A recent viral statement has stirred significant discussion in Nigerian and West African circles. The core of the conversation revolves around a man’s grievance: while pregnant women are often surrounded with care and support, he alleges that their husbands are frequently overlooked or emotionally sidelined.
During pregnancy, everyone shifts their attention to the mother, but nobody pays attention to the guy. I had my son, everyone was happy, but nobody really asked me, ‘Guy, how are you?’ I did close to 48 hours without closing my eyes. All the care is going to the wife; nobody cares about the husband. They made pepper soup for her and offered me none.
After the man’s comments went public, they swiftly made waves on social media platforms such as Twitter (now X), Instagram, and Facebook, with West Africans weighing in from every angle. Influential personalities like Maraji—well-known for her relatable comedic skits and honest motherhood content—and writer Solomon Buchi, quickly became emblematic of the polarising responses that dominated the trending feeds.
Maraji: “He’s making light of a woman’s sacrifice.”
Maraji, who recently celebrated the birth of her third child, responded pointedly to the viral video. Her perspective, shared with her vast online audience, emphasised that the man’s remarks felt self-serving and dismissive of the significant sacrifices made by women throughout pregnancy and childbirth. Maraji explained, “There’s no denying how challenging pregnancy can be. Suggesting that men are equally neglected in this process trivializes the immense physical and emotional changes that women undergo.”
I don’t know where this man is coming from, but if you do, please explain. The problem isn’t that you’re going through things; the problem is that you’re trying to compare. Would you have wanted to breastfeed instead?
He’s making light of the honour that it is to serve your wife in this time because the truth is that men never do anything during pregnancy. They’re not the ones who carry the child, pushing the child, breastfeeding the child; you don’t have to lose the weight. The only thing you can do is to be in service to your wife at that time.
Solomon Buchi: “Men experience anxiety too”
On the flip side, content creator and social commentator Solomon Buchi defended the original point, noting that men, too, encounter stress and emotional turmoil during the pregnancy journey. Buchi argued that the mounting pressures and expectations society places on fathers often go unnoticed, resulting in a mental toll that rarely gets the spotlight it deserves.
You’re my guy, but I don’t agree with you, Maraji. When my wife was pregnant, I knew the constant anxiety I had about losing my wife and child. Seeing my wife in a fragile state made me lose sleep. Yes, the woman is the one carrying the child, but we need to remember that the man is the one being strong for the family in that moment.
The Internet Makes It A Case of Men vs Women
The public’s response has been sharply divided. Some see the man’s complaints as an attempt to divert sympathy away from pregnant women, whose physical and emotional burdens are enormous and well-documented not just in Nigeria, but around the world. Others, however, find merit in his point of view, expressing empathy for men who, they argue, often bear silent worries about their family’s well-being and the immense responsibility they share during pregnancy. As one user commented, “Men these days want to be women so bad”—a phrase that quickly went viral, capturing the feelings of those who believe the focus should remain on mothers-to-be.
They are always in competition with women! Are you pregnant?
Some of y’all saying “his reasons are justified” really? Bro to Bro…. Really???? Oda, koburu…..Just marry the people who share same sentiments with you so that the pandemic no go spread!
Hmmmm…. I tire for my gender oo…. Abeg when e reach my turn, I will like my husband to be asked “how are you” to be told Jisike!( Well for active present fathers oo….) it doesn’t reduce the attention I will get, or equalize what we passed through. It will only strengthen him to support me more. I stand with Buchi on this.
So they should leave the mother and baby to focus on you. Very good.
Later they’ll say men should speak up. I think we can all see why men don’t speak up.
The man and the wife plays a different role in pregnancy. Women have my accolade for sure, they are the one pregnant with the baby but the man is pregnant with the worries about the safety and health of the wife and baby . His head is restless at every single step of the pregnancy. So y’all should stop writing off the man’s Feelings.
The debate highlights the ongoing tension between gender roles, emotional expression, and the expectations placed on men and women during one of life’s most intense experiences, which is pregnancy.
Pregnancy Shouldn’t Be A Battle For Attention
Both pregnancy itself and the period immediately afterwards remain some of the most arduous stages for women and their families in Nigeria. These phases are accompanied by massive physical, psychological, and emotional hurdles. According to local health professionals, expectant mothers bear the brunt of hormonal shifts, complications, and postpartum changes—which are all demanding in a country with varying levels of access to quality healthcare.
That said, the hardships experienced by men—who reportedly may grapple with anxiety regarding the wellbeing of their partners and unborn children, as well as increased financial and societal expectations—should not be dismissed. As Dr. Amina Lawal, a perinatal counselor in Abuja, recently explained, “Our communities tend to focus on the mother’s experience, but fathers undergo their own emotional journeys, shouldering fears of loss and a drive to support their families.” She encourages society to create safe spaces for partners to share their anxieties without being accused of seeking undue sympathy.
A growing body of research, including a 2022 study from the University of Lagos, has shown that about 35% of Nigerian men reported significant stress and sleep disruption during their partners’ pregnancies. However, most agreed this should never detract from the attention focused on women’s needs during this period.
Recognising the hurdles faced by men during their partner’s pregnancy—which can range from emotional anxiety to the pressure of providing—does not undermine the enormous and sometimes life-threatening sacrifices made by women. Indeed, rather than framing the journey as a competition for care or sympathy, more Nigerians now argue that a culture of shared empathy and mutual support during pregnancy would lead to healthier families and more resilient communities.
In Nigeria, where extended families and community members are commonly involved in pregnancy and childcare, it is vital that both parents’ struggles are acknowledged—without overshadowing one another. This approach, according to many local health and social experts, represents a step toward a more inclusive, supportive society.
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