Toluwani Odukoya, the Associate Senior Pastor at The Fountain of Life Church in Lagos, has candidly shared the story of her marital separation—a subject rarely discussed so openly by church leaders in Nigeria. Speaking during an interview on the platform “Truthtable” and subsequently sharing segments on her verified social media, Odukoya reflected not only on her personal challenges but also on the profound lessons learned through her journey, hoping to shed light on the reality faced by many families across Africa.
Married to Olumide Ijogun since 2012, the couple had three children—two daughters and a son. However, as Odukoya reveals, the marriage reached an unexpected turning point, culminating in a separation due to circumstances she described as “beyond my control.”
“I’m separated. Most people don’t know that about me, but it’s something that has helped shape my life,” Odukoya reportedly stated. She underscored that entering into marriage, one’s intentions are never to leave, but sometimes, according to her, “when a marriage ends, it can feel like a kind of death.” Odukoya’s honesty resonates with many Nigerian and West African women facing social, cultural, and sometimes religious pressures to remain silent about marital struggles.
Elaborating on her experiences during the past decade, Odukoya recounted a series of personal losses. “In the last 10 years, I have experienced several kinds of deaths: the death of my marriage, the loss of my stepmother, the passing of my father’s twin sister, and especially, my father. All this happened within 24 months, from 2021 to 2023,” she said, reflecting on the toll such experiences can take on one’s outlook. Despite the challenges, she spoke respectfully of her ex-husband, describing him as “a great man,” and emphasized that sometimes even good people are better apart when their union is not divinely ordained or aligned with their life paths.
Redefining Relationships Beyond Blame
While many in African societies may look for blame in separation, Odukoya was careful to dismantle the notion that either spouse must be at fault. “He’s a good man. I am a good person too. Separation does not mean either person has failed at being good,” she reiterated. Odukoya unpacked the difficulties some couples face when their personal growth leads them in different directions: “If you’re both on separate journeys, it doesn’t mean the other person is bad. It simply means they’re not right for you.”
Reflecting on her own situation, she admitted, “I was a good person, but perhaps I wasn’t the right person for him, and vice versa.” This perspective aligns with an emerging discourse among urban Nigerians, particularly women, who increasingly seek to define their lives beyond traditional stereotypes of marriage and family.
Navigating Grief and Heartbreak in the Public Eye
Beyond marital strife, Odukoya faced multiple bereavements that added layers to her grief. She recounted to Truthtable, “That (the separation) happened in 2021. It broke me deeply, but then to also lose my father, my stepmother, and my aunt within two years—all to illnesses—was overwhelming. Watching loved ones deteriorate due to sickness is a sorrowful experience, different from sudden loss. My mum passed away suddenly—her loss felt like a crash. Watching others deteriorate, despite prayers, forces you to re-examine your faith.”
She drew from her faith, noting, “Sometimes, we believe that every prayer will be answered in exactly the way we ask, but sometimes God answers differently. It’s in those moments of confusion and pain you have to ask: ‘If I don’t receive what I pray for, will I still serve God?’ For me, serving God is rooted in knowing His love for me, trusting that ultimately, everything will work out for my good.”
Embracing a Higher Calling Despite Personal Trials
Many observers have commended Odukoya for maintaining her spiritual duties despite private turmoil. Accepting her ministerial call, especially after such losses, was not easy. “When the call came to pastor, I told God, ‘You know all the emotional baggage I’m dealing with, but if you call me, maybe you’ve placed something unique in me.’ I’ve chosen to keep my eyes on Jesus, even if I don’t have all the answers.”
She continued, “It’s not that I have it together. I know that I don’t. But if God, who knows me so well, chooses to call me, then I’ll trust Him enough to take the next step. Every day, it feels like walking on water—something I could never accomplish by myself. But I’ve decided to trust Jesus, and He’s been amazing to me.”
The Odukoya Legacy and Next Generation Leadership
The Odukoya family is well-known in Nigeria, both for their spiritual impact and their resilience in the face of adversity. According to reports, following the passing of the church’s founder, Pastor Taiwo Odukoya, in 2023 in the United States, leadership of The Fountain of Life Church passed to Toluwani and her brother, the actor and cleric Jimmy Odukoya. Jimmy was appointed Senior Pastor, while Toluwani stepped into the role of Associate Senior Pastor.
This transition marked a significant moment not only for the congregation but also for Nigeria’s broader faith community, as the children of a beloved Pentecostal leader took on new responsibilities during a challenging period of both public scrutiny and private mourning. Experts say that leadership transitions in such mega churches have often been fraught with tension, but the Odukoyas’ openness and commitment to transparency set an important example for spiritual leaders across Africa.
Societal Stigma and the Need for New Conversations
Leadership roles in Nigeria’s religious sector come with intense scrutiny, especially for women. Toluwani’s willingness to publicly address her separation and loss is being applauded as timely and necessary. Lagos-based family therapist Mojisola Adeyemi noted, “There’s a lot of stigma attached to separation, especially among female religious leaders. Pastor Toluwani’s candidness is helping many others feel less alone.”
Her story also highlights the intersection of tradition and change in contemporary Nigerian society. Across West Africa, marital dissolution often remains taboo, with women in leadership positions facing the greatest criticism. However, changing demographics, increased educational attainment, and social media platforms are making it harder to silence these narratives—sparking new, constructive conversations about happiness, compatibility, and faith.
- According to Nigeria’s National Bureau of Statistics, formal divorce rates remain lower than in Western countries, but informal separations and marital strains are reportedly on the rise in urban areas.
- Legal experts advise that under Nigeria’s Matrimonial Causes Act, divorce and separation processes can be lengthy, especially when children are involved.
- Religious and cultural leaders play key roles in shaping public opinions about marriage and family, emphasizing both the importance of support and the need for understanding in difficult times.
Globally, high-profile personalities—whether in the church or entertainment—are increasingly speaking out about personal challenges, prompting more empathy for families navigating tough circumstances. Odukoya’s story is not just a window into her own experience, but an encouragement to others to find help and hope when life changes unexpectedly.
Her remarks continue to inspire discussions among Nigerians and West Africans about the realities and complexities of modern relationships, the meaning of faith in adversity, and the ongoing evolution of gender expectations in African society.
What are your thoughts on this heartfelt journey and the courage it takes to lead through pain and loss? Do you think Nigerian society is becoming more open to discussions about family, faith, and challenges faced by leaders? Drop your comment below and follow us for more in-depth coverage and inspirational stories.
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