As inflation continues to rise and cost-of-living concerns deepen across Nigeria and other parts of Africa, even matters of the heart have begun to reflect economic realities. It’s no longer just about words or gestures; increasingly, money is playing a central role in how people perceive and express love. Whether in romantic relationships, family ties, or business collaborations, finances often lie at the core of how we bond and support one another. Yet, when money becomes the main “love language”—with partners gifting cash as tokens of affection—it opens up a new set of questions about compatibility, values, and what romance truly means in today’s world.
Thoughtful gifts have always held a place in Nigerian and West African relationships. The essence of romance, many would argue, lies in the act of sharing—whether it’s a heartfelt note, a surprise meal, or something more extravagant. Ultimately, the decision about what gestures are most meaningful depends on mutual understanding in the relationship. Some couples prefer simple acts of service, while others delight in material surprises. In a country where tradition, culture, and modern influences blend, the way we exchange gifts and appreciate love is as diverse as the nation itself.
One reason romance remains so dynamic is the existence of different love languages. These range from words of affirmation and quality time, to acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts. Each individual, and couple, brings their own preferences to the table. But in today’s rapidly changing economy, some have begun treating money itself—cold, hard cash—as a form of expressing affection. Is this trend a sign of changing values or simply a way for couples to adapt to current realities?
This shift raises important questions. Is it healthy to accept money as an official love language? What happens when one partner expresses love through money, while the other prefers softer, less tangible gestures? How can couples in Nigeria, Ghana, and beyond ensure both parties feel seen and appreciated, even if their love languages don’t always match?
For partners navigating the delicate balance of love and money, especially when cash gifts are involved, here are some thoughtful approaches to foster understanding and connection:
Show gratitude
A simple ‘thank you’ can go a long way. Even if receiving money doesn’t excite you as much as a surprise dinner or romantic gesture, it’s important to acknowledge the effort and intention behind the gift. Relationship experts in Lagos, like Dr. Funmi Adekoya, note that “people share resources with those they care about,” and such gifts are often given with a genuine desire to support or uplift their partner. Recognising the gesture, even if it isn’t your favourite, helps prevent misunderstandings and strengthens emotional bonds.
Make memories of every gesture
As relationships settle into routine, it can be easy to overlook or forget the smaller acts of kindness. Whether or not you’re enthusiastic about being gifted cash, keeping track of all the positive gestures made by your partner helps you appreciate the partnership more fully. This could be as simple as maintaining a private journal or a collection of memorable moments (financial or otherwise). According to a recent report by The Guardian Nigeria, couples who consciously acknowledge even “minor” acts of love report higher satisfaction in their relationships over time.
Communicate openly
If you’d prefer more active or verbal demonstrations of affection—perhaps helping out around the house or daily affirmations—the key is to share your feelings honestly. As noted by Abuja-based relationship coach Ifeoma Okechukwu, “Your partner can’t read your mind; open, gentle conversations about preferences help prevent resentment and guide both partners to a balance.” Don’t assume your partner understands what you most value unless you’ve discussed it directly. Mutual communication is foundational to any strong relationship, especially when love languages differ.
Listen and seek understanding
Relationships are two-way streets. Take the time to understand your partner’s motivations for giving cash as a gift. Is it their way of supporting you through difficult times, or is it simply the most effective method for them to express their affection? Some may include an extra touch—a personal note or small accompanying gift—which can be easy to overlook if the cash draws all the attention. By being receptive and asking thoughtful questions, both partners can gain clarity and move forward with empathy and understanding. This mutual respect paves the way toward a middle ground that works for both.
It’s important to remember that no two relationships are identical. What works in Lagos might not suit a couple in Accra, and family traditions or societal expectations may vary widely across regions and generations. The most important thing is for partners to define their own standards and not let outside voices dictate what’s right or wrong in their love story.
Money and Love: Changing Realities in West Africa
Across Nigeria and much of West Africa, shifting economic pressures have made the topic of finances more visible in romantic relationships. According to a 2023 survey by the Nigerian Economic Summit Group, nearly 50% of urban Nigerian couples cited money as the number one source of tension and misunderstanding in their relationships. Family dynamics and cultural expectations often add extra layers of complexity—particularly for younger generations balancing tradition with new economic realities.
In practical terms, the preference for monetary gifts can be impacted by factors such as:
- Youth unemployment and underemployment: When work is scarce, partners may feel pressured to give or request financial support rather than symbolic tokens.
- Inflation and rising costs: Everyday expenses for items like rice, cooking oil, and transportation double or triple within months, making practical gifts more appealing than ever.
- Urban migration and long-distance relationships: As more young professionals move to cities, cash transfers—via apps or mobile banking—make it easy to offer support across distances, replacing traditional in-person gifts.
“Nigerians are increasingly practical about love and marriage,” explains social commentator Ngozi Maduekwe. “At the end of the day, what matters to many is support—emotional, physical, or financial.”
Challenges and Counterpoints: Is Money Really Enough?
While the trend of gifting money is growing, it doesn’t come without criticism. Some experts warn that elevating financial gifts above other expressions of love could shift relationship dynamics toward materialism. According to psychologist Dr. Tunde Adebayo, “When relationships become transactional, couples risk losing the intimacy and emotional connection that should be the foundation.” There’s also the risk of misunderstanding: one partner may feel truly appreciated, while the other feels unseen or undervalued.
In response, community leaders and religious organisations in Nigeria often encourage a more balanced approach. The Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), for example, regularly advises young couples to focus on unity and shared values above material exchanges during marriage counselling sessions.
Global Perspective: Local Trends, Universal Questions
Although this conversation is front and centre in Nigeria and Ghana, the debate about love and money resonates globally. From London to Johannesburg, couples are redefining the boundaries between financial support and romantic partnership. Social media trends—such as “soft life” and “pepper dem” culture—showcase both the aspirations and challenges faced by modern African couples as they navigate love in a world where money matters.
Finding What Works For You
Ultimately, every relationship is unique. Whether you prefer love notes, acts of service, thoughtful gifts, or the occasional cash transfer, what matters most is honest communication and mutual respect. Allowing room for both tradition and adaptation will help couples—and families—navigate these changing times while building joyful, resilient connections that last.
How do you feel about money as a love language in your own life or community? Does it strengthen your relationship, or does it create more challenges? Drop your thoughts in the comments and let’s keep the conversation going. For more lifestyle stories and local perspectives, follow us—your story might inspire someone else!
