Relationship Advice Claims: 5 Things Women Are Urged Not to Do for Men Before Marriage

Many Nigerian women have found themselves deeply invested in relationships, only to realise they’re giving out “wife energy” to men who haven’t made a formal commitment. In a society where romantic expectations and traditional values often collide, it’s easy to lose track of boundaries while dating. Yet, relationship experts say maintaining clear lines is crucial for self-respect and future happiness.

Until a man legally weds you—whether in a court, a mosque, or a church—there are certain boundaries you should maintain. Taking on the full responsibilities of a wife before tying the knot can leave you vulnerable, emotionally and financially. Here are five key things you should never do for a man who hasn’t become your husband, with true-to-life context for Nigerian and West African women navigating modern relationships.

1. Don’t Sacrifice Career Ambitions or Educational Goals

In Nigeria and across West Africa, women often receive pressure—sometimes subtle, sometimes direct—to prioritise relationships over personal achievement. Lagos-based relationship coach, Yetunde Olowu, warns that giving up on work or school for a boyfriend can have long-term consequences: “A supportive partner would encourage you to pursue that study abroad scholarship or new job in Abuja, not ask you to abandon your growth for him.”

Statistics from the National Bureau of Statistics indicate that nearly half of university-age women in Nigeria consider relocating or re-strategizing their career plans for romantic reasons. However, analysts say women who stick to their career or academic dreams tend to have better outcomes, both personally and in future relationships. If he truly wants a future with you, he’ll want to see you succeed, not feel threatened or left behind.

2. Don’t Move In and Play “Wife” Before Commitment

Cohabiting has become more common among young couples in African urban centres, but experts and elders alike continue to debate its merits. According to family counsellor Mrs. Abiola Ladoja, “Moving in together before marriage often leads to blurred boundaries and unmet expectations—especially for women.”

It’s one thing to spend a weekend together; it’s another to pack your bags and settle into his home, assuming wifely duties. Dishes pile up, laundry needs sorting, and suddenly the lines between girlfriend and wife vanish. This dynamic often results in imbalance—a situation where women handle most chores and emotional labour, while their status remains unofficial. The old adage—why buy the cow when the milk is free?—remains relevant in city and village alike.

Whether in Port Harcourt or Accra, women are learning that shared living spaces should follow official commitment, not precede it—especially if it means taking on all the roles of a wife for free.

3. Don’t Hand Over Your Life Savings or Large Sums

Love can cloud judgment, but financial experts continually advise against mixing serious money with uncertain relationships. According to the Central Bank of Nigeria, romantic fraud and “relationship scams” have led to significant losses among young adults, particularly women.

While an occasional gift or token is fine, it’s unwise to give a man your life savings, invest in his “big idea,” or bail him out at the expense of your financial stability. Mercy, 28, of Abuja, reflected: “I supported my ex when he wanted to start a transport business, but after things ended, I was left with nothing—no refund and no apology.” Relationship advisors and financial counsellors highlight that if a man values you, he’ll never pressure you to empty your bank account for his dreams. Protect your earning power; your future is too important to gamble away.

4. Don’t Cut Off Your Friends for a Relationship

Strong friendships are one of life’s greatest supports. Studies from Nigerian sociologists show that women with healthy friend circles experience higher well-being and resilience—even during romantic ups and downs. “It’s tempting to focus on romance and let friendships slide, but when challenges arise, your friends are often the ones who help you recover,” explains Dr. Jennifer Alozie, a psychologist at the University of Nigeria Nsukka.

Isolating yourself for a man can be risky. In fact, healthy relationships should encourage your social connections, not threaten them. Make it a point to maintain contact with your support network—whether it’s Friday night suya with the girls or Sunday phone calls with your old schoolmates. Don’t miss out on birthdays, reunions, or girls’ trips solely for a man who hasn’t made things official with you.

5. Don’t Get Pregnant Without a Real Commitment

In Nigerian and West African societies, unplanned pregnancies can change a woman’s life forever. Legal experts note that while social attitudes are evolving, having a child without a marital commitment is still fraught with economic, social, and emotional difficulties—especially for women.

Don’t allow pressure or the false hope that a baby will “cement” the relationship. As Dr. Funmi Ojo, a public health expert, puts it: “Raising a child is a lifetime commitment—far more serious than romantic love.” Always use contraception if you’re sexually active with someone who hasn’t married you. Simply put: your body, your future, your choice. Don’t succumb to the pressure of becoming a mother before you and your partner have shared goals, stability, and commitment in place.

The bottom line is clear: until he officially makes you his wife, your boundaries matter. When you protect your ambitions, friendships, financial security, and autonomy, you empower yourself—no matter how strong your feelings are.

Across Nigeria, Ghana, and much of West Africa, women are reclaiming their standards in relationships—insisting on respect, partnership, and clear commitments. While every love story is unique, these guiding principles help ensure that women remain confident, strong, and ready for their best possible future.

Have you or your friends ever faced similar challenges in dating or relationships? What boundaries do you think are most important to set? Drop your thoughts and experiences in the comments, and follow us for more real-life stories and insights!